I bet that sometime recently, you went outside and either thought or mumbled something like, "Damn its cold. I wish it was warmer." If not, you live in a desert (and probably have more pressing matters to attend to, such as scorpion hunting or sweeping the sand out of your house).
For this reason, it is common sense to support global warming. Why not try to make the world a better place for the average person, and warm the Earth by just a few degrees?
Either way, global warming most likely isn't occurring in the same manner as all those "scientists" and "experts" claim. See, scientists get money through grants from organizations, businesses, and the government. If they can make people believe that there is some huge problem that could kill us all if the scientists aren't given enough money, they have an infinite fund of cash.
Remember the Y2K "crisis?" You might not, because nothing actually happened except for people stocking up on non-perishable goods and a spike in generator sales. The nukes weren't launched, computers didn't fail, and the local dry cleaner opened the next day for business as usual.
In light of the fact that the world is still in existence, yet we have been confronted by such alarmist threats in the past, what makes you think that this new apocalyptic claim is even based on evidence?
As an aside, the world isn't going to end in 2012. I understand that the Mayan calendar ended in that year. I also understand that the Mayans believed that one of the ways to reach the Underworld cosmos was through playing a prehistoric version of soccer, so we obviously should consider everything that the Mesoamerican cultures believed to be fact.
Scientifically, there have been more extreme fluctuations in CO2 levels in the sordid history of the Earth. Humans are merely a grain of sand compared to the lengthy past of the world. Don't be so self-important. If you must believe that the world is warming, at least have the common sense to realize that having Malibu in your backyard would be better than the wretched winters of the Northeast USA.
When the "end" comes, feel free to join me having a beach party in January. Bring your suntan lotion.
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Making Change
First things first, this post is about "making change." This is not the same as "causing change." If you are looking for literature on "causing change," feel free to read President-Elect Obama's campaign speeches.
Making change is a very important ability in modern capitalist society. Unfortunately, not enough people have the mental capabilities to calculate correct change without the use of a computer or calculator. This can be tested by going to a local retail chain and purchasing an item that costs $5.27, and then giving the cashier a ten dollar bill and a one dollar bill, expecting to receive a five dollar bill, two quarters, two dimes, and three pennies back (as opposed to the four singles, two quarters, two dimes, and three pennies that you would be given without the extra dollar).
Most likely, the teller will politely (or not so politely) let you know that you didn't need to give them the extra one dollar bill, return it to you, and then hand you the four singles and change. You then ask for your five singles be changed into a five dollar bill, and get told that either the register is already closed, or tellers cannot make change without a purchase.
If you don't follow the logic here, you should probably learn a few facts about the average American. Most people prefer to have as few bills in their wallet as possible. If given a choice between five singles or a single five dollar bill, most people will chose the five dollar bill (unless they plan on going to a gentleman's club in the near future).
For this reason, if you are a cashier, you should attempt to learn a bit of standard math. Start with addition and subtraction, followed by working with decimals, and then multiplication.
Here is a free example problem to test your mathematical common sense:
A customer is purchasing an eleven foot length of rope. The store charges $0.47 for a foot of rope. The customer pays using a twenty dollar bill and a one dollar bill. How much change should they receive, and by using what bills and coins in the highest denomination possible?
a) I don't care, I'm just stuck here until I can get a real job.
b) Hand back the single first, and then give the customer $14.83 in a ten dollar bill, four one dollar bills, three quarters, a nickel, and three pennies
c) $15.83 in a ten dollar bill, a five dollar bill, three quarters, one nickel, and three pennies.
The correct answer is (c). If you selected (c): good thinking, you've selected the right answer! You must have at least a little common sense.
If you selected answer choice (a), you are destined to work at Wal-Mart for the next four years before getting fired. If you selected answer choice (b), you are probably one of those "special" people that the store hires in order to benefit the community through helping you hold down a low-end job. Keep it up!
Making change is a very important ability in modern capitalist society. Unfortunately, not enough people have the mental capabilities to calculate correct change without the use of a computer or calculator. This can be tested by going to a local retail chain and purchasing an item that costs $5.27, and then giving the cashier a ten dollar bill and a one dollar bill, expecting to receive a five dollar bill, two quarters, two dimes, and three pennies back (as opposed to the four singles, two quarters, two dimes, and three pennies that you would be given without the extra dollar).
Most likely, the teller will politely (or not so politely) let you know that you didn't need to give them the extra one dollar bill, return it to you, and then hand you the four singles and change. You then ask for your five singles be changed into a five dollar bill, and get told that either the register is already closed, or tellers cannot make change without a purchase.
If you don't follow the logic here, you should probably learn a few facts about the average American. Most people prefer to have as few bills in their wallet as possible. If given a choice between five singles or a single five dollar bill, most people will chose the five dollar bill (unless they plan on going to a gentleman's club in the near future).
For this reason, if you are a cashier, you should attempt to learn a bit of standard math. Start with addition and subtraction, followed by working with decimals, and then multiplication.
Here is a free example problem to test your mathematical common sense:
A customer is purchasing an eleven foot length of rope. The store charges $0.47 for a foot of rope. The customer pays using a twenty dollar bill and a one dollar bill. How much change should they receive, and by using what bills and coins in the highest denomination possible?
a) I don't care, I'm just stuck here until I can get a real job.
b) Hand back the single first, and then give the customer $14.83 in a ten dollar bill, four one dollar bills, three quarters, a nickel, and three pennies
c) $15.83 in a ten dollar bill, a five dollar bill, three quarters, one nickel, and three pennies.
The correct answer is (c). If you selected (c): good thinking, you've selected the right answer! You must have at least a little common sense.
If you selected answer choice (a), you are destined to work at Wal-Mart for the next four years before getting fired. If you selected answer choice (b), you are probably one of those "special" people that the store hires in order to benefit the community through helping you hold down a low-end job. Keep it up!
Tentative Table of Contents
This section serves as the collection of links to posts in topical order, rather than chronological order. It will change over time, as more posts are added.
Introduction
Welcome to DeadLucky's Guide to Common Sense for Idiots.
JackofSpades and I hope to keep the posts in this blog informative, persuasive, and witty. Upon reading it, you should be thinking, "Ah, so this is what I should believe. I will accept this teaching as my own ingenuity, and therefore gain some common sense."
This guide is a comprehensive work in progress, one which most likely will never be fully completed. There is just too much information that the average person should, yet doesn't, know.
If you have a complaint, idea for a post, or praise for your common sense mentors, feel free to contact the authors, if you can get a hold of their email addresses (ask and you shall receive).
- common sense
- noun
- : sound and prudent judgment based on a simple perception of the situation or facts
JackofSpades and I hope to keep the posts in this blog informative, persuasive, and witty. Upon reading it, you should be thinking, "Ah, so this is what I should believe. I will accept this teaching as my own ingenuity, and therefore gain some common sense."
This guide is a comprehensive work in progress, one which most likely will never be fully completed. There is just too much information that the average person should, yet doesn't, know.
If you have a complaint, idea for a post, or praise for your common sense mentors, feel free to contact the authors, if you can get a hold of their email addresses (ask and you shall receive).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
